Uncle Joes Mintballs

CHORUS:
Uncle Joe's mint balls keep you all aglow
Give 'em to your granny and watch the beggar go
Away with coughs and sniffles
Take a few in hand
Suck 'em and see you'll agree
They're the best in all the land

There's a place in Wigan
A place you all should know
A busy little factory
Where things are all aglow
They don't make japes or Eccles cakes
Or things that stick on walls
But night and day they work away
At Uncle Joe's mint balls

My dad has always wanted
Curly hair on his bald head
Try an Uncle Joe's mint ball
That's what the doctor said
So he bought an Uncle Joe's mint ball
And sucked it all night long
When he woke up next morning
He'd hairs all over his tongue

I had a girl friend her name were May
In passion she were lackin'
I gave her whisky to make her frisky
But still she wouldn't get crackin'
So I gave her an Uncle Joe's mint ball
To keep her all aglow
Now she roams the streets of Wigan
Looking for Uncle Joe

The RSPCA have bought six tons of Uncle Joe's
To give to all the animals
To keep 'em all aglow
Our budgie now is nine foot tall
Our cat is six foot three
And all the poor brass monkeys
Are as happy as can be